Jokes from Soviet Russia

I’ve long held interest in humour originating from the long-suffering residents of Communist countries. The examples following are from Laughing Under The Covers, but I’ve seen variants of them in other places.

First of all, a joke about shortages in consumer goods and food:

In some country, communists managed to get elected to govern. In a few months the economy had become as it could be expected from anyone following the Soviet model. As the USSR promised help, the country’s President sent a telegram to Brezhnev, “Please send food.”
Brezhnev answered with a telegram, “Tighten the belts.”
The next telegram from the new communist-ruled country said, “Urgently send belts.”

And another about food shortages:

A woman walks into a food store. “Do you have any meat?”
“No, we don’t.”
“What about milk?”
“This is a butcher. We only deal with meat. The store with no milk is across the street.”

I particularly like this one:

Brezhnev gives a speech at a Party congress, and says, “Comrade, the Planning Committee reports that next year we’ll have no meat. Your suggestions?”
The audience is silent. Then a lone voice from the audience sounds, “We’ll work ten hours a day!”
Brezhnev continues, “The planning Committee reports that in two years we’ll have no milk products. Your suggestions?”
The audience is silent, then the same voice sounds, “We’ll work twelve hours a day.”
Brezhnev continues, “The Planning Committee reports that in three years we’ll have shortage of bread. Your suggestions?”
The same voice says, “We’ll work day and night without rest.”
Tears appear in Brezhnev’s eyes. “Thank you, dear comrade for your patriotic initiative. Let me ask you, where do you work?”
“In a crematorium.”

More to come!

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About Markk

Markk is an iOS developer.
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