Cats are of the DEVIL!

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I had suspected as much. Finally I have the proof. Cats are of the devil and must be stoned wherever they are found.

Not convinced? Consider the following, from the site Are cats for true Christians:

It was a common practice in ancient Egypt to worship or idolize cats as ‘gods’. Indeed, after death many cats were mummified, venerated and sacrifices were made to them. … ‘(1) Abstain from sacrifices to idols’. We are to ‘guard ourselves from idols’ and ‘worship no other gods’. Such feline influence could lead to idolatry and thereby ‘grieve Jehovah’s Spirit’ with tragic consequences.

What consequences? Beheading, perhaps:

The Bible does not say that cats were not present at Herod’s birthday party when John the Baptist was beheaded. … Clearly then, as loyal Christians, why would we even want to associate with animals that are without a doubt of such bad influence, remembering how true are the Bible’s words: ‘Bad associations spoil useful habits’

Indeed. The Bible does not say that cats were not present at Herod’s party, so clearly they were there. If that doesn’t convince you, perhaps nothing will, but there’s more:

To invite cats in our house is to toy with disaster. Can one deny that the chance exists that the same grave consequences could visit your home that fell upon John? Clearly, God disapproved of this ‘birthday’ party. Should we not then disapprove (without showing any malicious intent, only Godly hatred) of cats the way the scriptures recommend?

It’s life and death, people. And we have yet to consider the evil nature of cats:

The careful student of the Bible will acknowledge that nowhere within it is any species (‘kind’) of cat referred to in favorable terms. In fact, was it not lions of the first century who the Devil used to devour faithful Christians? Jehovah Himself ‘stopped up the mouths of the lions’ (Dan. 6:22) in Daniel’s day. True, the small housecats of today are not quite lions, but being of the same accursed animal family used by God’s enemies on numerous occasions throughout history, would it be wise or prudent to own one? In addition, by owing any type of cat (feline), would we not give an appearance of condoning their evil deeds throughout recorded Bible and secular history? The Bible makes clear that God’s people are ‘no part of this world’

Cats attempted to murder Daniel, and they slew many faithful believers in the days of the Roman Empire. Would God have us consort with these murderers?

It goes on. And still, cats remain unrepentant:

Additionally, cats practice many unclean habits not befitting a Christian household: coughing up fur balls, licking inappropriate body areas on their own bodies (inappropriate handling) and even, in some cases, on the bodies of their human owners (wrongful motive?), urination on the floor, vocal and blatant promiscuity (unknown to any other species, all others being endowed with Godly chastity and decorum) and widespread sexual misconduct without the benefit or sanctity of holy matrimony, even orgiastic practices, substance abuse of catnip (an intoxicating herb) which produces conditions akin to drunkenness, stealing food from the table, producing ungodly sounds, excessive playfulness and the employment of devices not known to have been used by Jesus, the conducting of its unholy business under the cover of the darkness of night, and so on. … The Bible clearly shows that ‘neither fornicators .. nor thieves .. nor drunkards .. nor revilers .. will inherit the Kingdom.’

What shall we do with cats, then? Only one course of action remains for the true Christian:

‘Thou shalt surely kill him; thy hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him to death with stones, because he hath sought to draw thee away from Jehovah thy God, .. And all Israel shall hear, and fear, and shall do no more any such wickedness as this is in the midst of thee.’ -Deut. 13:6-11

Good advice for any believer. Let us purge the cats from among us!


About Markk

Markk is an iOS developer.
This entry was posted in Cats, Nutbar, Random cat-related Internet stuff. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Cats are of the DEVIL!

  1. Pete Aldin says:

    Er … even I (one of the world’s great cat-haters) think this writer is getting a little carried away. (Though I could have done with a stone at 4.30 this morning when the catfights started outside in our street)

  2. Markk says:

    Catfights? Hmm, too much catnip perhaps. Methinks you have a dog shortage in your street.

  3. SaRz says:

    Hi. My name is Sarah.

    And I love my cats.

  4. Pete Aldin says:

    Hi, Sarah, my name’s Peter and I wouldn’t like your cats.

    But I do like dugongs. Is that enough to be forgiven by a cat-lover?

  5. Markk says:

    Hi Sarah. Thanks for sharing. Admitting you have a problem is the first step towards solving it.

  6. SaRz says:

    Oh…it’s a problem?

    Dugongs, Pete? Apart from being an animal…they are nothing like cats. I’m afraid that, at this point of time, I cannot forgive you.

    I think you’d like the cats. It’s the dog you should be worried about. She snaps, bites and growls at anyone within 100 metres of our house. She is currently under a number of death threats from anyone who meets her…

  7. Markk says:

    Does the dog get along well with the cats?

    I don’t know really. All this talk about liking cats smacks of Chamberlain style appeasement. What we need is some good butt-kicking.

  8. Markk says:

    I like wombats.

  9. SaRz says:

    yeah pretty well actually. she tends to boss them around though lol

    -^.^- …its meant to be a cat…

  10. Pete Aldin says:

    Wombats are cool. How about dromedaries? Now that’s a beast!

  11. Jay says:

    I didn’t particularly need a reason to hate cats, I do that on my own, but I guess now I have one in case I should ever need it.

  12. Pete Aldin says:

    There are many MANY reasons my friend. Enough to fill … a blog post…

  13. SaRz says:

    cats that look like hitler
    hitler = evil
    hitler = marks hero
    mark = evil?

  14. Markk says:

    Just because I dressed up like Hitler at a “Heroes” theme night I’m now evil? Sigh.

  15. SaRz says:

    invite: “come dressed as YOUR HERO”
    mmmmm…I think yes
    hehehe =p

  16. Thomas Bailey says:

    The Egyptians worshiped cats because they protected their food. Rats and mice, the cats’ main prey, caused considerable damage to the grain supply. One cat, Towser, set a record by catching nearly 30,000 mice. Another cat, Minnie, caught 12,400 rats at the White City Stadium!

  17. Markk says:

    Hmm, that would be a good reason. Those Egyptians were nothing if not pragmatic.

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